Life, love, and what happens after...

Soundtrack: The Only Moment We Were Alone -- Explosions in the Sky

When I first came to China, I was in the midst of a long distance relationship.

He was my high school sweetheart. Probably the most complicated character in the first chapter of my life. The antagonist. Maybe, just a dream of sorts. My best friend. The person who knew me best at my very worst.

Our relationship… was one of those messy situations that came about after almost four years of being off and on, hot and cold, loving and hating, and god knows what else in between (the sheets).

Knowing that the likelihood of us staying together was minuscule, wishing we hadn’t fought all summer, and making impossible promises; we put a blindfold on and approached the edge of the cliff. And instead of flying, we swan dived. It wasn’t a surprise to either of us. Like jumping into the quarry back home.

And yet… hitting the water, there was still a sharp intake of air as I sliced into the icy darkness. The immediate shock that releases itself into pain. My eyes sealed shut, as I focus on the pounding in my ears. The pressure. From the speed at which I fell, combined with the water consuming me – driving out all rational thought. My breath, lost. A sense of weightlessness that comes with being underwater. The space around me, attempting to right itself. Instinct taking over as I flailed my way to the surface. I found myself alone, surrounded by an immense expanse of water, the sky above me, the cliffside towering behind me.
Did I jump in by myself? I wonder.

In the end, we just didn’t know how to grow up together.

Handling a broken heart by oneself in a foreign country, on the other side of the world, with a 12 hour time difference, and poor internet connection -- is not highly recommended. Your best friend isn’t a phone call away and everything familiar and comfortable will seem out of reach. A hug is hard to come by. And a pint of Ben & Jerry’s? Completely impossible.

Which is why I didn’t deal with it. At all.
I rebounded.