Hello, again

So sorry I didn’t start a blog sooner.

Between school, applications, adjusting, getting lost, initially surviving without a proxy, wasting time on skype, and procrastinating -- I just never found the time. I also had writer’s block – literally for two or three months I couldn’t touch my journal. Every day I literally spent half an hour just staring at my journal, a pen in my hand, and a stricken look on my face. If I can’t write in my journal, what makes you think I could keep up a blog? This is for you Chris Silvia.

Initially, I was keeping a journal for my future daughter – okay, guys, stop it. Don’t say it. I’m not crazy. I honestly like the idea of keeping a journal now while I'm 20 -- to give to my daughter when she turns 20. I want to give a piece of my life now to her. My thoughts, my advice, my own questions -- about life, love, and happiness. Hopefully, she’ll learn from my experiences and more importantly from my mistakes – god knows I have a lot of those. And maybe when I’m 50, with this journal, I can prove that I was cool at one point and not just a mom. Too many details? Some of the guys scared away? No worries.

I’m still keeping the handwritten journal (which is a tad more personal), but I also want to share my thoughts with you guys back home too, if only for the fact that it might be easier to update you guys all at once instead of one by one. I’m terrible at keeping in touch with people, thinking that they’ll always be there when I get back. But… seeing that so many people are traveling the world (shout out to Annie, Jesse, Lucy, Kumar, Sarah, Courtney & Soukie who I know are all abroad now) – it finally hit me that I might not see people ever again. Some people that have been there for the best of times and the worst of times? (Dickens) -- have just fallen out of my life. I look back and sometimes wonder what they’re doing this very moment – and then realize they’re probably asleep because it’s daytime here.

So for those that just happen to click on this blog out of curiosity:

I’m 5’3”. I’m Vietnamese. I was born in Texas and grew up in Massachusetts. I live to travel. I want to backpack through Cambodia and Laos. I like the sun. I like the sun while hiking. I love the beaches of New England in the winter time. If I had the time, I’d spend everyday reading an entire book -- outside, under a tree, in a hammock, on a window sill, with someone as we’re cuddling, stretched out at a beach, in a quiet café, by the steps of Gore, out loud to little kids, on the subway home, or just before I fall asleep in my bed alone.

I love jazz. And wine. And tequila. Bossa nova. I fall asleep to classical. I still have a soft spot for Soundgarden. My summers are dedicated to folk music. I nap too much. The Low Anthem is my favorite band and I am currently rediscovering Damien Rice. I’m nostalgic for a different decade. I want a room dedicated to music when I have a house of my own. I also want a library, so I really don’t know how to fit all these rooms into one house. Let’s open a café together. I’m a romantic. I don’t need money to be happy. I need to dream. I dream too big. I admit I’ve often prioritized my travel plans in front of other people in my life. I’m young. I’ve been in love. I’ve worn my heart on my sleeve. I’ve been crushed. Screw the game. I’m in the midst of a quarter life crisis. I’ve broken hearts (I think?) or at least have been a huge tease at least more than once. I consider myself a narrow minded liberal. I am not religious, but I believe in God. I’m Buddhist. -- I admit, I need to figure out what that means to me.

I am at Central South University, which is a school in Changsha, Hunan Province. Don’t know where that is? I didn’t either. When I first got the scholarship notice I remember going “Where the fuck is this place?” You’d better google it. I was awarded the Chinese Government scholarship for a year of Chinese Language studies, which to some people would be impressive -- but to which my father asked,

“Are you taking a year off because you don’t know what you want to do with your life?”
To which I responded,
“Yep.”
He knows me too well.

I am taking classes with first year Chinese students who are studying Chinese (like how there are English majors in the U.S. – yes, some people need this explanation). In between learning, absorbing, breathing, and texting in Chinese? I am adventuring. Of course, I miss my family and friends – but I’m not ready to come home yet.

I have too many plans but at least I’m taking steps towards what I think I want. And to what I know I want. I’m walking confidently towards my future, but without a clue as to what’ll happen. I will not always succeed. I pursue my dreams passionately, albeit a little foolhardily. Once I know what I want, I will not falter or hesitate to chase after my ambitions.

This blog will not be tailored to suit any specific need. It’ll be whatever I want it to be – and not always necessarily about my travels or my studies. And also not necessarily always in English. It’ll have thoughts, musings, and random music. I’ll try to update everyday – but I have a life to live too. Sorry if this first post was a bore – but I know if you’re my friend, you’ll keep on reading ;)

Smiles and happiness,
Tc